Ultimate Guide to Tinghun Program and Guidelines: What to Expect and How to Plan for it

Tinghun is a Filipino-Chinese tradition similar to the pamamanhikan of the Filipinos. It’s essentially meant to be a joyous meeting of the bride and groom’s families to signal their full approval of the couple’s union. This tradition first started in China in the olden days. During that time, matchmakers would set up the marriage, and so the bride and groom families (let alone the bride and groom themselves) would barely know the other side. So, during the tinghun, the groom’s family presents gifts to assure the bride’s family that their daughter will be valued and will be well taken care of.

In the past, tinghuns were traditionally held in the bride’s home, since it’s essentially the bride’s family welcoming the groom into their abode. This is also why in a tinghun, the bride side’s guests should always outnumber the groom’s, because the groom is the “visiting” family.

Here’s a photo of us “pretending” to see each other for the first time LOL. Approved ba?

However, nowadays, as debuts, weddings, and even tinghuns have become more extravagant (I have no idea why, because seriously, where do people get money? Everything is SO expensive now, why are they making these events even pricier Zzzz); tinghuns are now held in restaurants or hotels. To be honest, I guess this is practical also in a sense, since some families may live in condos, or don’t have maids anymore; so it’s really quite hassle to hold a tinghun at home with all the work that needs to go into tinghun prep and on the event day itself.

Another shocker for me was the realization that nowadays only Manila and Cebu Filipino-Chinese seem to hold tinghuns. My friends in the provinces weren’t even aware of this tradition, or at least haven’t attended one in recent years. Alas, as I am from Metro Manila, and my family has always had tinghuns, it seems there was no escaping this particular event.

And so, given the amount of planning I’ve put into this tinghun (because guess what, despite everyone in my family having a tinghun, no one could remember exactly what went into it…), so it felt like I had to plan everything from scratch. Phew. I have decided to write up my learnings!

This blog then is meant to enumerate what to expect from a tinghun proper – meant for all the brides out there who don’t know what actually happens in a tinghun, or just want to cross-check and make sure your understanding of the program timeline is correct.

For those still planning a tinghun, I’ve also created another blog listing out EVERYTHING you have to prepare (and where you can procure said items), and boy is there a lot to prepare; as well as my supplier reviews. You can check them out here.

4:00 AM Time to wake up

Time to wake up! I know, crazy early right? Most tinghuns start between 9:00-10:30AM because those are more “auspicious,” so if you want to have some bridal prep photos taken BEFORE the program proper, you need to be done and ready by 8AM at the latest.

So normally, if your Hair and Makeup Artist was just prepping the bride’s look alone, you can probably allot ~1.5 hours for the actual hair and makeup application, plus another 0.5-1 hour for travel time to the venue (if you weren’t staying at a hotel). In my case, I had booked just one HMUA for me, my sister, and my mom because I’m cheap LOL. Hence, we had to start earlier. Thankfully, for non-brides, you can expect hair and makeup to just take up around 1 hour.

4:30 AM HMUAs arrive!

Thank you Lord, they arrived on-time (a bit earlier even). I’ve heard horror stories where the HMUA arrive late, and it really derails the whole program. We got two HMUAs for today: Kris Bacani (to do mine, my sister’s and my mom’s) and Winshayna Young-Rivera (to do my ama’s, koko’s, and cousin’s). Super interesting tidbit, Winshayna went into the HMUA route because of Kris! Kris was her upper batchmate who was into makeup and that’s what got her interested too. Pretty cool right?

I really love the makeup Kris did for me <3

5:30 AM Event stylist arrives

My event stylist ARC arrive and start setting up the backdrop and the table styling. Note that while they arrived at 5:30AM, they really only start setting up at 6:00 AM because they need at least 30 minutes to just bring everything in. Rough timing would be ~3 hours to set everything up, but of course, this could take longer if your backdrop or table is extra complicated. In my case, they finished setting up around 8:30 AM.

This is what it looked like at around 7 AM. Yes, I had my brother keep tabs because I was worried things might be running late hahaha!

But in the end, there was no need to be worried. Look at the end output – isn’t it just so beautiful? Proof that you really should just let go and trust your suppliers and trust in the Lord.

7:30 AM Coordinator arrives

Tinghun Guru, my coordinator, arrives! I got an on-the-day coordinator because I didn’t want the stress of thinking through anything during the event. And I didn’t think it would be fair for my family members to be stressing also. Super happy I did, because to be honest, the entire tinghun event went super smoothly. I have no idea if any hiccups occurred, but if they did, it never reached me or any of my relatives and guests. What I really paid for here was peace of mind.

8:00 AM Photographer arrives

Jeric Dy, our photographer, and his crew arrives! Ohman, all my suppliers so incredibly punctual, I am SO pleased. Immediately I hand over all the accessories and dress and other knick knacks for them to photograph. We had 3 rooms booked at New World, so they did an ocular of the different rooms to see which one had the best lighting. And then we were off to photoshoot – we did a series of prep shots and family shots – both in the room and by the swimming pool.

9:00 AM Registration starts

My registration people (aka my relatives, because you have to pay extra if you get someone to do it LOL) are done setting up and are instructing people where to sit. I printed a signage so people know they’re entering the right place, but really, what I like about the Glass House is it’s so secluded, only YOUR guests would realistically be headed there.

Likewise, I had already sent my guests the seating plan a few days before to hopefully smooth things along. Also, I only had 80 guests (7 tables only), so this wasn’t a super big production. Thank you Lord for that.

9:15 AM Briefing of roles

At this time, everyone should be down at the tinghun area already (except for the bride who’s holed up in the waiting area). My coordinator and host have done a final check of the table styling with all the accessories, a sound check, and everything in between. Now it’s time to brief the VIPs on the program, and what they’re supposed to do at each step. This includes briefing the sinna carriers on how to carry the sinna, as well as the juice and candy ladies on who to serve first and the correct manner of serving.

9:45 AM Welcoming of guests

Trina, my host, starts welcoming our guests! I had told our guests we were starting at 9:30 AM SHARP (emphasis on sharp) because I know my guests (relatives and friends alike) are almost always late. Anyway, they were still late, but at least they had all arrived by 10:00 AM (which is when the actual program started haha).

10:00 AM Program Start

Groom enters, carrying two bouquets of 24 roses each. One bouquet is meant to be kept by the groom’s family, while he gives the other bouquet to the bride afterwards. At the end of the ceremony, you may opt to give the single ladies roses as well. We ended up not doing this because everyone was crowding around at the end, and to be honest, I don’t think our friends and relatives particularly cared about getting roses.

Here’s Josh looking particularly dashing today! (but he looks dashing everyday)

10:05 AM Groom VIPs enter

After the groom, it’s now time for his VIPs to enter. The minimum number of VIPs is 6 – this should start with his dad and mom, followed by living grandparents (father side first, then mother side), followed by older siblings of dad then mom, then younger siblings of dad then mom. Priority when it comes to siblings is always the males. If you don’t have enough to fill up your roster of 6, you can then also include the female siblings of parents, or the wives/husbands of said siblings. The same prioritization was applied to my VIPs (bride side)

As each VIP enters, our host introduces each and every one of them to my family, who are already seated inside our “home.” The thinking here is this is the first time the two families are meeting! In reality, they’ve met before, but well, this also serves as an introduction to my extended family and friends as well.

10:10 AM Presentation of Sinna

The sinna are two big ornate tubs. Sinna translates to “gift” in Chinese. Pretty self-explanatory then – because the groom’s family fills up the sinna with gifts for the bride. This sinna symbolizes abundance and prosperity. Example gifts found inside would be pork legs and peaches for prosperity, fruit cocktail for a colorful married life, and candies/chocolates for sweetness.

These sinna are carried in by four males from the groom’s side. These should be siblings, cousins, or friends (in that order, and of similar generation to the groom). Note that the sinna is VERY heavy, so I suggest getting males who are sufficiently fit. Don’t worry, they’ll get an angpao immediately after for their sweat and tears.

As you’ll notice later on, gifts play an important role in the tinghun, because as mentioned, the tinghun is meant for the groom to showcase to the bride’s family that he can provide for the bride. Likewise, you’ll notice that all the gifts come in even numbers because the bride and the groom will be a pair from now moving forward.

10:15 AM Bride’s VIP presented

Next, it’s time to introduce the Bride’s VIPs to the groom and his relatives, now that they’re all inside the bride’s “home”

10:20 AM Serving of Candies and Orange Juice

Next up, to symbolize the sweetness between both families upon first meeting, a chosen candy lady (from the bride’s side – either a sibling, cousin, or friend – but must be single) will offer the guests candies – starting from the groom’s VIPs, then the bride’s VIPs, then the other guests

Once the VIPs have been served candy, two juice ladies (again, chosen from the bride’s side – either a sibling, cousin, or friend – but must be single) will offer the VIPs orange juice so they can keep themselves refreshed throughout the ceremony.

As all this was happening, our host was explaining the different symbolisms that abound in our tinghun setup. This includes:

The red satin cloth covering the ceremonial table symbolizes joy and happiness in Chinese tradition.
120 eggs symbolize longevity and living out of a healthy life. This is to anticipate and look forward to the family that the couple will build together in the future.
E-sit means even more generations to come, which is why it’s filled with symbols of fertility.
Boxes of fabric and clothes for the bride symbolizes a good start and a good end for the couple
We also have our fruits – apples, oranges and pomelo
- Chinese believe that round fruits symbolize prosperity, so all the fruits we have here are round in shape.
- The Chinese word for pomelo (柚子or 柚) sounds like 有 “to have” = abundance. It also symbolizes good communication between the two families. In chinese, we say “eew lai eew ki”
The pork leg symbolizes prosperity. Some also say it means the couple’s relationship is stable and will be hard to tear apart
Cakes for a sweet and rich life together
All gifts should have a sang hee sticker on top – which is the Chinese symbol for happiness in marriage

Once everyone has been served appropriately, the candy and juice ladies are also given angpaos to show appreciation for their hard work.

10:25 AM Entrance of bride

Finally, it was time for me to enter on the dainty hand hold of my model lady. The model lady is someone from the bride’s side of the family who embodies everything the bride wishes to have as a married woman – healthy, wealthy, happy and with good kids.

The bride enters backwards to avoid attracting any negative energy within the room. This was quite nerve-wracking, I thought I was going to trip at one point. Note to self: should not have worn heels.

Upon reaching the front of the room, the bride then turns clockwise 3x without any help from anyone. This is to symbolize a smooth transition from singlehood to being engaged. So Tinghun Guru had told me I should do a half turn first so I look more graceful, but when I did that, I saw the very disapproving look of my gwama who essentially told me to do one full turn in one go! Well, I tried, then almost stumbled, so sorry gwama, it was back to a half turn for me.

Here you see Josh and my happy faces! We haven’t seen each other for a week leading up to the tinghun. The Chinese have this tradition where you aren’t supposed to see each other one week before. We weren’t really planning on doing this, but the week was super busy and so it just so happened that this was literally the first time we were seeing each other after a week apart! #Clingy

10:30 AM Tinghun Ceremony Proper

First up, the groom is expected to place the corsage on the bride’s right wrist. Traditionally, this is meant to be pinned to the bride’s chest, but I didn’t particularly want to ruin the delicate detailing on my gown, so I figured a wrist corsage was the safer option.

Afterwards, it was my turn to place the boutonniere on the groom’s left chest. This was a struggle LOL. I realized on-the-spot that I had forgotten to practice doing this the night before, with all the last-minute prep that was still happening. Thankfully, Josh had a pocket, so I kind of pinned the boutonniere then tucked it into the pocket to prevent it from falling off. Phew, one crisis averted.

After this, it’s now time for the exchange of gifts. First up, the groom’s parents go to the bride and groom. His mom places two gold bangles, bound by intertwined red thread, on the bride’s right wrist. This symbolizes the bride and groom’s togetherness in times of plenty and in times of need. Wow, vow yarn.

Afterwards, his dad places a gold medallion on my neck. Traditionally, all these gold jewelry is meant to be “insurance” – pang-sangla in case the couple falls on hard times in the future. As such, it’s meant to be 24K gold so it’s of higher value. More symbolically, the necklace is meant to showcase my submission to my future groom as the head of our household.

Lastly, his grandparents are called up, and his gwama places a watch on my left wrist. This watch symbolizes our promise to give time to one another in order to foster a deeper relationship

Next, it’s time for the bride’s family to give gifts to the groom as well. First, my dad places a medallion on the groom’s neck. This serves as a reminder to the groom that he is meant to provide for the financial, physical, emotional and spiritual needs of the family. I approve of this reminder! My dad looks super pained, I wonder why hehehe.

Next, my mom places a watch on the groom’s left wrist. Again, this is a promise from the bride to give time to this relationship. I find it so ironic that it’s a promise from the bride, given on her behalf by her parents, but OK. My parents paid for it anyways hehehe.

Lastly, it’s the exchange of wedding rings. And yes, these are our weddings rings already – same ones used for the wedding day! Since tinghun traditionally meant you were Chinese married, you really exchange rings already.

Of course, my mom was pretty clear and pretty much told us, this is symbolic only. Ibalik mga rings after, to be worn only when you’re married in front of both God and the law. LOL. Anyway, the rings are worn on the right hand, because you aren’t “fully” married yet. So I guess she’s right.

Finally, we have the tea ceremony. This is super critical because serving of tea not just shows respect to the elders, but this is also when the groom officially introduces his bride to his elders, and vice versa. At this point, Chinese couples will start calling each other’s parents and grandparent’s Pa/Ma/Angkong/Ama/Gwakong/Gwama! It is important to note also that if an elder disapproves of the marriage, he/she can opt to NOT accept the tea. It’s the Chinese equivalent of screaming “I object” but done in a subtler and more snide manner. Very Chinese indeed.

For those who don’t speak Hokkien at home, time to brush up on your Hokkien and practice saying “Ma/Pa, tsia din dim teh – which means, Ma/Pa, please drink some tea

11:00 AM Picture Taking time

Time to take advantage of the beautiful backdrop to take photos with people. Different configurations of photos done here, but the critical ones would be:

Couple with both parents (angpao shot), where the groom side is handing over four angpaos (two big and two small) to the bride side. Traditionally, the big angpaos will be returned to the groom side later on, while the small angpaos can be returned or kept by the bride side

Couple with both side VIPs, then just the groom VIPs, and just the bride VIPs

11:15 AM Misua and sweet egg soup ceremony

Finally, it’s time to eat (for the VIPs and the couple). Misua for longevity, and sweet egg for fertility are served. Traditionally, Chinese marriages are equated to raising a large, healthy family and keeping the family name going. So, as you can see, all throughout the tinghun ceremony, it’s all about prosperity and fertility. Very clear priorities right here!

Here you see me serving Josh misua. He’s clearly very hungry! (But also, this misua is SUPER good)

Also an important note, the sweet egg soup will contain two eggs. In line with this whole “everything must come in pairs” idea, if you decide to just eat one egg, you must cut the other egg in half, so that a “pair” will be left behind. On the other hand, you can opt to eat both eggs, or to eat neither. I ate both. I was hungry by this time, because I skipped breakfast! #Excuses

11:30 AM Lunch

FINALLY lunch time for the guests. Our Pastor friend prayed for us, then lunch was served. Josh (the groom) had only one request for the whole tinghun, which was to make sure none of his guests go hungry. Wish expressed, wish granted!

Unfortunately, he didn’t specify that HE shouldn’t go hungry haha. After eating a few dishes, our photographers started calling us so we could start taking photos with our guests. While I would’ve preferred to eat some more, I did enjoy going round and chatting with our guests. We really did appreciate how everyone took time out of their busy schedule (and many even flew into Manila, because they were coming from the province or abroad!) in order to celebrate this joyous occasion with us.

1:00 PM Cake rounds

The last “official” part of the ceremony is the cake rounds, where the groom and his brother (or a close male relative) brings the respective cakes of the bride and groom on a journey. If you’re holding this in the bride’s house, normally, the groom and his relative will take the cake for a ride in the village. Important that the bride’s cake does NOT return to the bride’s house after else it means she’s being returned to her own household. In our case, since we held it in a hotel, the groom and his relative just went around the hotel lobby (good thing this was quick, because the cake was HEAVY), and promptly returned back to the reception area afterwards. Since the hotel technically isn’t the bride’s home, the cake can return to its original position.

Here you see the joyful smiles on Josh and his brother’s face, but I think deep inside, their arms must be dying…

1:30 PM Souvenir Distribution

As guests start to leave, our assigned siblings started handing out souvenirs to our guests, to show our appreciation to our guests. The groom’s gift bag contains 8 items (can be more, but minimum is 8): cookies, candies, fruit cocktail, peach halves, pork legs, sang hee misua, orange, apple. On the other hand, the bride’s gift bag contains 6 items (3 is the minimum, but you can add more): cookies, candies, green tea mochi, peanut glutinous cake, monggo hopia, ampao.

1:30 PM onwards Couple photo taking

Finally, time for some photo taking with the bride and groom! New World has a beautiful lobby and garden, so we took advantage of these. But first, I switched to flats because my feet were killing me. Heels – so painful.

Our photographers were so wonderful in directing us, but I think my favorite shots are the casual ones where Josh and I are just kidding around and remarking on how very uncool we are HAHAHAHA!

Goldie Goes Global